This article appeared in my newsletter Road to Success. To receive your monthly copy of this email newsletter complete the form on my website.
Without you there is nothing!
"There's a trick to the Graceful Exit. It begins with the vision to recognize when a job, a life stage, a relationship is over — and to let go. It means leaving what's over without denying its validity of its past importance in our lives. It involves a sense of future, a belief that every exit line is an entry, that we are moving on, rather than out. The trick of retiring well may be the trick of living well. It's hard to learn that we don't leave the best parts of ourselves behind, back in the dugout of the office. We own what we learned back there. The experiences and the growth are grafted onto our lives. And when we exit, we can take ourselves along — quite gracefully."
Ellen Goodman, columnist
My life has included several "graceful exits". While change is unsettling when it occurs, every transition for me has been a significant learning experience worth the initial disorientation.
Twenty years ago my marriage of seventeen years came apart. The marriage started as a traditional one with both of us focused on his success. My needs were put on hold to insure that his were satisfied. The very first week-end that I was alone after our separation I went to the supermarket. Standing in the aisles I realized I knew exactly what to buy for everyone else in the family but I had no idea what I liked! My life had been so directed toward others I had in fact lost my self.
Losing your "self" can happen to anyone. It happens to people who work for an employer for many years, to people struggling to make their own business successful, or to someone who is caring for a sick relative. It is so easy to put your "self" off while serving someone or something else. We then feel trapped by the circumstances.
Even those whose transitions are less traumatic can find themselves imprisoned by a long list of "to do"'s with no feeling of satisfaction when it is completed. Our world today is changing at a speed never before experienced. Thomas Leonard at Coach University suggests the use of the word "evolving" instead of change because the pace is fast, deep and broad. How do we ensure that we have the energy necessary to keep up with that pace? How can we be sure that we do not lose our"selves" as we move forward.
One idea that is to find ten activities I feel good about, that give me energy and that I want to do on daily basis. Not the things my mother or friends have told me I should do but the things that I want to do because they make me feel better when I do them. Stretching each day when I wake up, reading a novel or other entertaining material for 20 minutes during the day, taking my vitamins, writing in a journal, and listening to music. All the things I never seemed to get to but wanted to. These activities are a priority for me. At first it seemed I was just adding one more burden to my already busy life. Now however I look forward to each of them. The result is a peaceful happy feeling that gives me more energy and excitement in my approach to whatever else I do during the day.
Is it selfish for me to put myself first in this way? Sure it is. If we do not care about ourselves first and foremost it is very hard to be giving to others. When we satisfy our own needs and desires then it so much easier to be generous with others. Rather than feeling deprived and resentful, we feel good about ourselves and the world around us. That positive attitude translates into a happier healthier person.
My ten habits along with the many other experiences I have had
will transport me forward toward my next stage. As I bring my "self"
to this new level, I know I have the energy to eagerly face its
challenges. Since transitions or exits will continue to be a part
of all our lives, it is important to learn to move through them
gracefully, with excitement and anticipation.