March 2007
Asking For Help
"I find it hard to ask for help." My client, an intelligent fellow with a great sense of humor, had left it unchecked on the assessment that I offered last month. He said he thought it might be true but wasn't sure.
Whether you are looking for a new job or in business for yourself, being comfortable asking for help is essential. Job seekers need to ask friends, relatives, co-workers and anyone else who can help if they know of job openings. Business owners must ask their network for help finding customers/clients. They might also want to ask their staff for help on projects or make a decision to hire someone to do it.
What makes it so hard to ask for help? My client wasn't sure. He does know that when people call him for help, he really enjoys giving it. Why then, I asked, would he deny that good feeling to other people? My question surprised him and he said he would have to think about it.
Another client, an attorney, was having difficulty making the first of several calls to people he had met while networking. He wanted to meet this particular person for breakfast to enlist her aid as a referral source. He had no problem calling people on case work but this was a marketing call. When I asked him what kind of reception he thought he would get from the person he wanted to call, he said he thought she would be delighted to hear from him. Still it was hard to pick up the phone.
At a presentation I gave this month for the South Asian Bar Association someone asked the question, "How can I market myself without feeling like I am begging for business?"
Other clients tell me they feel they are bothering someone when they call to make a request for help.
I've wrestled with this problem myself because I like to feel I can do it all on my own! Intellectually I know I can't but there is that streak of independence in me that says that I "should" be able to do it.
It is what goes on in our heads that holds us back. If it feels like you are begging for business, you'll sound that way too. If you feel you are bothering someone, your reticence about the call will be evident to the person you have called. If you ask but don't really want help, that comes through too.
Just rehearsing a strong powerful request can help you to eliminate the feeling that you are begging. Using a well crafted and rehearsed 30 second elevator speech that connects you to your passion will make you feel more confident. You are in fact offering something (you and your experience) not begging for something.
Those of us who believe we "should" be able to do it on our own, need to address that belief and substitute a new belief. For me I've come to the realization that doing it with the help of others speeds the process, makes it easier and more fun. My new belief is: I want to ask others for help so I can get to my goal faster and more easily while enjoying my work.
My lawyer client who was having difficulty finding a way to pick up the phone to invite a networking acquaintance to breakfast tells me that he now realizes that when he is going to make a series of marketing calls, the first one is the hardest. Once he starts the others are easy. He needed to block out the time to make the marketing calls on a regular basis and commit to doing it.
How about you?
Take action:
- Write down a few instances when it has been difficult for you to ask for help.
- Think about what can you do to make it easier for yourself? (Need help? Try working with a coach. :-))
- Incorporate your ideas about making it easier for yourself into a script and try out your new method.
- Question to ponder: How would having a lead development system make "asking for help" easier?