Parker's Points
July 2004
Ten Tips For Becoming More Self Assertive
This month I had the pleasure of hearing Johanna Skouras speak at a Chamber of Commerce meeting. Self-Assertion is something I have struggled with myself. Johanna says that to learn to be self assertive we need to learn how to serve our own needs without hurting others. As an only child I had no need to be assertive in my family. My needs were always acknowledged and usually served. The difficulty came for me when I was with other people. I smiled when I picked up Johanna's book at the library and the librarian, a friend, said, "Oh Alvah, you don't need that book!" I'm still working on many of these tips. What about you?
From Standing
Up for Yourself -The Art of Self-Assertion by Johanna Skouras
I have quoted directly from the book. If you are interested in reading
and owning the book yourself it can be ordered through Amazon. Use
the link above.
- "You can choose how to react to a stressful situation rather than get swept away. You take control by deciding what you will or will not put up with."
- "Non-action is an action. You've made the decision not to act."
- "In trying to resolve a conflict remember that conflict/resolution is almost always about compromise and not about winning or losing."
- "Let go of perfectionism. Loosening up is not the same as losing control."
- "In your self-talk assessments, change your perspective from "What do they think of me?" to "What do I think of them?""
- "Always examine what you have going for you rather than what's going against you."
- "As long as you know you could tell someone the raw truth but you choose not to, then you are still being assertive."
- "You are responsible for your actions, not your feelings."
- "When you can't change the system and you can't change the other, you change."
- "Practice self-forgiveness and be generous with small personal rewards for your hard work."
In the book there are two more.